Nothing’s Wrong

Sep 15

Zen teacher Cheri Huber once said: “You are taught to believe that something is wrong with you and you are imperfect. But there isn’t, and you’re not.”

In my experience, this belief, that “something is wrong,” sits at the root of our suffering. We think life “should” be different. We think we (or others) should be different. And yet, as Cheri points to, that’s simply not true.

Healing is the process of falling in love with yourself. Not in a narcissistic, “I’m better than everyone else” way, but in the tender, innocent way you love a puppy, a child’s laughter, or a glowing sunset.

Unconditional Love doesn’t blame, shame, or coddle, it simply Loves. And yet, because of socialization, it is often difficult to stay in relationship with ourselves this way. As children, we are required to abandon our authenticity to meet the demands of adults. This happens to all humans.

Therapy, in my experience, is the process of returning home to ourselves, our authentic self, in Unconditional Love. And this is not easy, some might say it is downright, “hard!” And it often feels wrong. Socialization has taught us that loving ourselves is selfish or forbidden. So instead, we “fall in love” with someone else, hoping they will give us what we do not know how to give ourselves. But this never lasts. Healing requires us to see past the lies and compassionately, courageously witness all that needs witness. Doing this on our own is impossible as we are relational creatures…and while we are still being operated by the abandonment, the trauma, we cannot access the compassionate witness required. That is why a skilled and attuned presence (like a therapist) is crucial!

So, what does Unconditional Love look like? Sound like? Feel like? This is what we discover on the therapeutic journey. While the process is universal, the expression is unique to each of us. My encouragement is this: find joy in the journey, because you are worth it.

As a therapist, I have the privilege of holding the hearts of my clients in Unconditional Love until they can begin to attend to themselves in that way too.